Aisle 14

Aisle 14: Seasonal Aisle.

I do declaire it is a mighty bit stiffling in this here book depository. I do think I've got me a case of tha vapores. Hepiscoti, could you freshen up my mint julip? That's a good man. Oh and Hepiscoti retrieve for me my walkin' cane, them honary chil'n are gettin' a mighty bit too close to the porch for my comfort, I may have to give them a poke.

And this is just a glimpse of me in the future! Actually no. No it's not. My future will be less refined and gentelmanly. It will be more codgedy old man. Still on the porch with a cane ready for a good poke, but with ice tea (with some sort of hootch added to it) and sadly no Hepiscoti.

Oh I'd love to be the kooky old grandpa making puppets for my grand kids, but deep inside I know my true calling is to be a bitter, resentful old man, with a cane used for poking. I figure I'll be a nice guy for the majority of my life but once I retire (from wherever the hell I end up) I'm turning codgy! It'll be my little reward to me for being so nice when I was younger and getting the shaft over and over again. Being nice? Not all it's cracked up to be. But it's not like I'm going to stop being nice... that would be mean and being mean is the exact oposite of being nice.

Though I am jaded and bitter. I've got that going for me. If I harness the power of my sullenocity I might just be able to work up a pretty decent comedy routine, but then I'd have to hate more things with more passion. I'd also would have to stop with the random, "Oh my god this is so neat-o!" statements. Statements like, "Oh my god! I was out walking the streets and this prostitute came up to me and asked if I wanted some company and then we ended up talking for like twenty minutes! It was so neat and I didn't even get an STD!" Yeah being enthusiastic about having a chat with a pro (and not being charged for her time) wouldn't work out all too much if I was going for surly bastard (who is funny). My dreams of being a stand up are crushed!

Oh and to set the record straight the conversation lasted less then twenty minutes, but regardless it was a nice conversation. She said I looked like I had all the world's problems on my back, which I actually did at the time, I was doing Atlas a favor. Basically the conversation went exactly the same way as the conversation I had last Summer with a homeless man. He told me to stop looking at the ground when I walked. I should face life with my chin up and if I fell, well so be it, just get up dust yourself off and keep on going, cause that's life, falling down alot. If you spend all your time watching your step and trying NOT to fall down then you miss out on the scenery that is life. Interesting that some of the best advice I get is from total strangers. Oh and the prostitute incident happened back in the fall of 2002. I went for a long walk after a shitty rehearsal or show, can't remember which. In anycase, all my friends went out for drinks I was pissed at them for being asses and I walked the long walk to Mamouns to get some good food. That might have been about the time I was told by a girl I liked that in her eyes I had no genitalia. Needless to say nothing happened between the two of us.

So it's nice out! I walked in to work tonight and will decline a ride from my boss to walk home. I will walk through the ghettos, the areas people have reported muggins, in other words I'm just walking around non-Yale New Haven. I've always gotten alot of shit from my friends when I tell them I walk around New Haven after dark. Have I gotten mugged yet? Nope. Have there been attempts? Hell yes there have. Will I get mugged tonight? I hope not. Who knows? I don't.

But yes, it's nice out, and I've been in a pretty decent mood recently. There have been reasons. I'd be in a better mood if I knew what I was getting for financial aid and if I had an apartment set in stone, and a job. Once things get set durring the next few weeks I should reach a state of near pure bliss. I'm shooting for those times when I use to act in highschool. The cast from Crimes of the Heart springs to mind like a jack knife. I don't think we ever got any actual direction from the director throughout that whole ordeal. I believe he was primarily working with cast A (the whole thing was double casted as to allow more people to take part in the process). One would believe we were the unpopular cast. We sure as hell didn't get equal treatment, and I believe we wrote out a list of complaints to the director after he yelled at us for some inane reason. I remember walking out of rehearsal that night. Not because of my anger of the situation, though it was shitty, but because my girlfriend at the time (were we actually dating still or was I seeing her on the sly?) was picking me up to go see the Jim Carey, How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I bought a cool hat for cheep at the mall, so I guess it was worth it. But it was the working with the cast, having to self direct ourselves that made the whole experience fantastic. I had moments of that in college, mainly on the things I was directing (and in Hypochondriac when I ignored everyone complaining), but for the most part my recent theater attempts have fallen short of fun. Improv class has been making me happy though. I am so stoked for this weeks class, by the way. I'm so going to have fun! I'm not sick! YAY!

Man, I wonder what life would be like if I was funny? If I had excellent timing (which I don't) or if I had a sharp wit (which was once sharp and is now a bit dulled), maybe I'd be unstoppable. I'd most likely would be ten times more annoying though. So let's take joy in the fact that I am not in the least bit funny. Though I have my moments... no, no I don't, sorry that was a big lie. It's like my half nipple... or is it? Do I have half a nipple? Do you know for sure if I don't? Were you paying attention during that strip tease I did on the popcorn stand? Wait... no one who saw that reads this blog... um... I NEVER did a strip tease on a popcorn display case... never... and it was not sexy... and it was not to the tune of a Barry White song that I won't mention... nope... I have no clue what you're talking about... Will I do this again? Not on a popcorn display case that's for damn sure!

Um... does anyone actually read this? I asume no one does. Oh I'm sure some one happens to stumble upon this, but does anyone read this and actually ENJOY reading this? I mean you're basically subjecting yourself to a onesided conversation with me. It's like you lost your voice and I was wired on pixie sticks. That's what this is. How do you cope? No, honestly. How? This is all random and for the most part nonsensical. Thank god it's free, or so you think, as secretly as you read this I'm under your chair sneeking loose change out of your pockets. Muwahahahaha!