Aisle 1

Aisle 1: Produce Aisle

I've just about made it through my second week of work at my new job. I think right now I've gotten just about everything under control. The one thing that I'm struggling with is the filing system. It seems the person who was my predecessor really disliked organizing things in a manner that suits a library. So because of this I can find nothing I need. Which is causing some stress as I can't really do most of my job without the right paper work and so forth. In two weeks I'm supposedly going to be able to fly solo for my boss is going on vacation and yeah you don't want to hear about this do you? Hell I don't want to write about it.

I'm at a bit of an impasse. I really want to write something tonight, anything really, but I have nothing in my head to write about. I also don't want to go on about my personal life (for there really isn't one at this point). But I need to feel that something is moving in my life and writing seems to be the way to get at that feeling.

So I'm watching TV right? Not just any TV but Fox. I finally watched a full episode of Seinfeld. I think this makes the total of Seinfeld shows I've watch hit an impressive mark of three. I have a hat trick of Seinfeld under my belt. Watching it reminded me why I actively chose not to watch it when it first came on. It's a show about nothing, but done so badly. I understand the premise, a group of friends interacting with New York and all the craziness that resides there. I can see how it comments on our society. Just for the love of god, why do all the characters have to try so damn hard at being awkward and having a show that goes no where? I'm all for circular anti-climatic comedy. I really am. I love theater of the absurd and that's what it's made up of pretty much. But it happens naturally, or better yet it happens organically. Nothing is pushed, even when outlandish things happen. One character might be alarmed with the events but for the most part no one questions why people are turning into Rhinoceroses, they just know it's first wrong and then later the most logical thing to do. Seinfeld is not this. It is a show of complaint. There's this really nasty negative tone to the whole thing. No one is happy. Everyone is only concerned with their own needs and wants. Is this life? Perhaps a lot of you would say yes. But man if that's life then I choose option B.

I remember years ago in my intro to performance class as an undergrad freshmen, where we mainly did improv basics that I really need to be using in my current improv regime, I was chastised for initiating a scene where I was on a couch watching television. Most of what that professor taught me I have kept close to my heart but no not this. Watching television is not a dead activity. It may not be the best choice but it can allow for some great subtle scenes. It's playing boredom. It's playing nothing. It's doing what I believe Seinfeld is trying to do, making nothing seem like something.

Eh I'm not the best at improv, or most comedy for that matter. I'm not horrible just I'm not remarkable either. But there's one thing that I know I'm actually quite good at, well two things really. One is doing subtle comedy, like really subtle comedy and the other is physical comedy. I don't look it. Not at all. I don't act like it either but I am most comfortable when I do physical slapstick like comedy. Making big, BIG movements and pratfalls. Or doing something really small and noticed by only those that are really paying attention. I developed most of this when I was a young boy-o.

Growing up the youngest and the only boy in a family that consisted of mainly women (two sisters, two close cousins, a lot of aunts; I did have male relatives but the women kind of over shadowed them) and having women who were not the normal run of the mill women (I'm talking my family is made up of a bunch of amazon women from the moon) I developed into a rather odd person. One of the things that my family would do was play games like Mother May I or Red Light Green Light. All of these demanded that you make large movements in order to win. When we played wiffle ball we'd use shadow runners, who would end up colliding with me for some reason. I would also spend a decent amount of time amusing myself. Either by watching old movies or by re-enacting the old movies I had just watched. I remember seeing my first episode of Saturday Night Live. It was one of the ones where Chevy Chase was in the cast. For those that don't remember Chase would start the show off. He's the one who would do the "Live from New York it's Saturday Night!" And he would do it while taking a ginormous pratfall. I, being three, thought that was hilarious, so I took my time trying to learn the art of falling down and not getting hurt. Ok I had another reason for learning this too, I was of the mind that one day I would have to jump out of a moving train or car or airplane and wanted to be able to not break my bones in the process of the landing.

My training was hilarious though. I had this black beanbag that was super snazzy. Well as snazzy as beanbags go (ok that's not true it didn't have a lounge singer in it). I would take said beanbag and place it at the top of the stairs. I'd then get in front of the bean bag and rig it to fall towards me. From that point it was Indiana Jones time. The best was when I went head over heals six times in a row and slammed into the front door with a thud, and THEN the bean bag hit me. I would jump off my porch trying to clear the massive, seldom trimmed bushes with a plastic bag held over my head (it was a parachute) and I'd do the whole find a big hill and roll all the way down it, get back up and do it ten more times. My childhood was filled with grass stains, bruises and lots of dizzy spells.

When I was in elementary school I had this friend Kyle. We would hang out after school a lot. He lived in a trailer park and well let me just say this as a tangent. Trailer park kids are fucking awesome! They're like selfdestructing maniacs! One of the things we would do was act as dare devils on our bikes. Keep in mind at this point I was a bit chubby and super awkward (more so then than I am now... shut up you who is mocking me). I couldn't do the whole pop a wheelie thing. I could do a mean bunny hop but that's about it. So to be a dare devil I had to be able to jump off of my bike, and not die. Which I was pretty good at (obviously as I'm alive to talk about this). So lots of jumping into bushes (occasionally pricker bushes), jumping into gravel (which is quite soft at the right angle/speed) and then there was the rope swing. Rope swing. No this didn't involve the bike. It involved the rope swing. A rope tied to a tree branch. Normally you'd swing out and let go then land in some water (frankly this scares me because you can't see if there are rocks or turtles, or little kids or sharks waiting for you) now THIS rope swing was a bit different. You see it was in the middle of the woods. Rather than swing over a pond we swung over a large pit of sticks and shrubs. Then you let go and land on the small, small dirt trail. It was AWESOME! Awesomely dangerous.

So doing all that, and getting beaten up a lot in school meant I was able to deal with a lot of pain. Best thing I ever learned as a kid was to roll with the punches. I watched a lot of fight movies and tried to figure out on my own how to do stage combat. Worked in a couple of actual fights. Again I'm alive and not horribly scarred so that's a plus side to that. It also helped that I have strong bones (thank you milk) and a rather thick skull (Shut it you! I mean come on I know who you are and I know your little snicker). So I'm pretty much made for physical comedy (and why I can take a hit from a bike when crossing the street and not be phased too much - happened last weekend no kidding).

The subtle side of the humor was derived from being the often quiet one in the family. I often was drowned out by my sisters and later in life by my loud mouth friends (HA! That's what you get for laughing at me twice in one post...). So because I'm a quiet one, and because I'm kind of over looked sometimes (my own fault really) I've taken to making subtle one liners, or using my facial expressions to get my feelings across to other people. A raised eyebrow here, a slight of hand there. It's rather fun.

I use to be witty too. My wit has since kind of dampened. I'm not as fast as I use to be, or as smart it seems. Odd how the more learning you get the less your brain seems to work. Case in point that last sentence. That was a lame way to explain the idea I was trying to get across.

Here's something that I have learned though. Little kids think I'm hilarious. Because I can fall down on cue and make it look like they can beat me up. Bad side of this is running into a kid who has the strength to actually beat me up (D's little brother can hurt me, I found that out after he decided he was magical and had the power to make me fall down at certain words.

I need to figure out what I'm producing now. Work ain't giving me anything. Writing, well I'm never writing what I want to, and I'm not all that successful at the comedy thing. But hey, I'm attempting to keep busy. I may end up spending some time in the park over the next few weeks getting back into the swing of the physical comedy thing. Do some tumbles, roll down some hills, have a lark, get some bruises.

There are so many ways to make some one laugh. There are so many types of laughs for that matter. All I want to do is give some one a good laugh, as Aristotle would have it, a virtuous laugh. One that is good for all involved. I want to be able to take the person who had a no good very bad day and make them smile for a few seconds. In those few seconds perhaps they'll forget the crap that's gone on. Perhaps they'll be happy for a bit. If that doesn't work then I guess I'll just be my nice self and try to make them feel better in my own way.